1) You give your agency a special ringtone in your phone because you're sick of getting your hopes up when you hear the default ringtone.
2) Every holiday or milestone or fun activity that passes, you find yourself hoping and praying that next Christmas/Easter/Thanksgiving/4th of July/Halloween/birthday/spring/summer/Disneyland trip/whatever you will have your child/children home with you to share in the celebration.
3) You find yourself looking longingly at the adorable children's clothes in every shop you enter, and the only thing stopping you from buying them is not knowing the right age, gender, and size to buy them in.
4) You start checking things off of your "pre-kids bucket list." For me, it was cake decorating classes and a trip to Six Flags Magic Mountain (it's going to be quite a while before our little ones "make height" for rides like X2 and Tatsu).
5) You find yourself torn between wanting a referral RIGHT FREAKING NOW and feeling like you're running out of time to learn your child/children's language.
6) Plans you make with other people that involve what's happening more than a month from now have a "standard disclaimer" involved.
7) Your father has actually heard you use the phrase "standard disclaimer" when taking about your plans for two months from now. He knew exactly what you meant.
8) You are so excited about your upcoming adoption -- and you're willing to talk about it with anyone who will listen.
9) You keep up with the news in the country you're adopting from -- and so does your family.
10) You've scoured Trip Advisor for reviews of hotels and restaurants to visit on your trip(s).
11) You've gone to restaurants in the US that specialize in the food from your child/children's culture.
12) You've prepared some of that food yourself.
13) You read everything your local library has about your child/children's country. If all they have is children's books and travel guides (welcome to adopting from Central Asia, enjoy the lack of books), then that's what you read.
14) You have spots in your house where you plan to display cultural art that you plan to buy "in country." Ex -- hanging a Kyrgyz rug on the wall.
15) You "speak adoption" fluently, and you forget that most people don't use words like "dossier," "referral," "apostille," "home study," etc. on a daily basis.
16) You check your email. First thing, last thing, every five minutes, whatever.
17) You check your snail mail box compulsively, wanting a letter the USCIS. You tell yourself you're checking for an Amazon package, but that's a lie.
18) If you're using an out-of-state agency, you know the conversion to their time zone without even thinking about it. You've been known to wait to go to the grocery store until it's no longer "business hours" there when waiting for a call back from the agency.
Do any of you have any good "you know you're waiting when..." moments to add? Please share them in the comments. :)
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
Cake Classes: Wilton Course 1
Another thing I've been doing to help the wait go by quicker (ha! as if!) is taking Wilton cake decorating classes at my local Michael's.
The first night of the first course (I'm taking the second course now) was focused on cupcakes and certain basics of decorating, such as making a rosette, doing the swirl on top of a cupcake, doing a zig zag, and making our own buttercream frosting.
The cake itself was chocolate, with a raspberry jam filling. I'm not a fan of chocolate, so this was a special treat for Papa Beast.
The final night of class involved bringing in a cake that was already iced and ready to decorate. We learned how to make the ribbon rose, as well as how to write (both cursive and printing) on our cakes.
I was having difficulty with icing consistency, as well as being very shaky and dizzy from my bad reaction to typhoid pills. I'm not thrilled with the job I did (especially on the roses) but I am happy that I stuck with it even when I was really struggling.
The cake was lemon with raspberry jam filling. I'd like to try making lemon cake again during my time in Course Two, because this cake had a bit too much ginger in it and was more spicy than sweet to my taste buds. Then again, I'm not a big fan of ginger. I'd like to have something that tastes like sweet lemons, though, so it tastes better with the raspberry. If only I could make cake that tastes just like my dad's lemoncello. I'll be hunting online for a lemoncello cake. :P
The first night of the first course (I'm taking the second course now) was focused on cupcakes and certain basics of decorating, such as making a rosette, doing the swirl on top of a cupcake, doing a zig zag, and making our own buttercream frosting.
Rosettes are much easier than they look. :)
I had so many extra cupcakes -- the recipe that normally makes a two layer round cake made almost three dozen cupcakes! So, I decorated six in class (as instructed), and then decorated the rest as practice at home.
The extras were enjoyed by kind guinea pigs at my Papa Beast's office, Papa Beast's vanpool, and Super Pup's dog park. (The people enjoyed them -- they weren't for the pups! :P)
The second night of class was focused on torting, filling, and icing a cake. There was also a lesson in doing a pattern transfer with piping gel. There were patterns included in the course kit, but I decided to design my own by drawing the Kyrgyzstani flag onto a sheet of wax paper. I think it came out okay, especially for a first attempt!
The cake itself was chocolate, with a raspberry jam filling. I'm not a fan of chocolate, so this was a special treat for Papa Beast.
Week three was really intensive, with us learning several new techniques like the shell border, leaves, a few different flowers, etc, etc. We were asked to bring in several small treats, like Rice Krispies, cupcakes, Hostess products, or cookies. I chose Rice Krispies. It was really fun to try the different techniques and do various things with them.
I was having difficulty with icing consistency, as well as being very shaky and dizzy from my bad reaction to typhoid pills. I'm not thrilled with the job I did (especially on the roses) but I am happy that I stuck with it even when I was really struggling.
You can see here where the blue icing was a little too runny to even be the thin consistency normally used for writing.
It does look really pretty on our berry plates, though.
The cake was lemon with raspberry jam filling. I'd like to try making lemon cake again during my time in Course Two, because this cake had a bit too much ginger in it and was more spicy than sweet to my taste buds. Then again, I'm not a big fan of ginger. I'd like to have something that tastes like sweet lemons, though, so it tastes better with the raspberry. If only I could make cake that tastes just like my dad's lemoncello. I'll be hunting online for a lemoncello cake. :P
Russian Festival in West Hollywood
We've been doing a lot of things as we wait.
Fun things, productive things, cultural things, time wasting things. All sorts of things, really. I'd like to highlight some of them, even though I'm a bit behind.
Here's the first one...
In May, we went to a Russian cultural festival in Los Angeles, where we got to see Russian folk dancing, including that squatting dance the Cossacks do. It turns out that's called Kozachok or Kaзaчoк in Russian. It actually comes from Ukraine.
Here's our favorite group, Russian Souvenir, doing their routine from last year's festival:
It is held every May at Plummer Park in West Hollywood, which has a large and historic Russian population. The Russian WWII Memorial is there, commemorating the veterans of the USSR countries. It's not something that's talked about a lot Stateside, but Russia lost more men in the war, which they call the Great Patriotic War, than any other country. May 9 is Victory Day in Russia, and they celebrate it as a kind of Memorial Day, which parades and honors for veterans. (These articles discuss it: Wikipedia: Victory Day Buzzfeed: Why WWII Matters to Russians Today)
The Festival was a lot of fun. We met up with friends from the a local Eastern European/Central Asian adoption group. There are several areas to the Festival -- the main stage, the booths (for food and other vendors), and the bounce houses (free of charge for the little ones).
One funny moment for me happened at the DirecTV booth. They had a spin the wheel of fortune type give away with lip balm, pens, etc. They also had a raffle for an iPod if you filled out a survey form (all in Russian). So, I walk up to spin the wheel -- and get a sales pitch totally in Russian. From what I could gather, it seemed to be focused on Russian language programing and channels. I kept saying "no thank you" in Russian, and they kept trying to hand me the survey. "Nyet, nyet." "iPod, iPod." "Nyet, nyet." "iPod, iPod." Until I finally gave in and admitted that I'm sorry, but I don't speak much Russian. (And, even more relevant, I don't know how to read it -- but, sadly, I don't know the word "read" in Russian.) Maybe those Russian language channels wouldn't be such a bad idea, after all!
The first show of the day was the Children's Show, where kids get to display their Russian cultural talents. Everything from singing to ballroom dancing to rhythmic gymnastics was showcased.
The second show was filled with mostly the grown up performers, but there were a few excellent children's groups who made the cut as well. It was definitely the more professional of the two shows, though, and featured the wonderful Russian Souvenir dance group (pictured above). We weren't able to stay for the whole show, because we needed to go home to feed our dog, but we will definitely come back next year and bring him so we don't have to hurry home so early. (We weren't sure if dogs were allowed in the park -- but now we know.)
Fun things, productive things, cultural things, time wasting things. All sorts of things, really. I'd like to highlight some of them, even though I'm a bit behind.
Here's the first one...
In May, we went to a Russian cultural festival in Los Angeles, where we got to see Russian folk dancing, including that squatting dance the Cossacks do. It turns out that's called Kozachok or Kaзaчoк in Russian. It actually comes from Ukraine.
Here's our favorite group, Russian Souvenir, doing their routine from last year's festival:
It is held every May at Plummer Park in West Hollywood, which has a large and historic Russian population. The Russian WWII Memorial is there, commemorating the veterans of the USSR countries. It's not something that's talked about a lot Stateside, but Russia lost more men in the war, which they call the Great Patriotic War, than any other country. May 9 is Victory Day in Russia, and they celebrate it as a kind of Memorial Day, which parades and honors for veterans. (These articles discuss it: Wikipedia: Victory Day Buzzfeed: Why WWII Matters to Russians Today)
The first show of the day was the Children's Show, where kids get to display their Russian cultural talents. Everything from singing to ballroom dancing to rhythmic gymnastics was showcased.
Then there was a break, where a magician came out to entertain the little ones. We were able to move forward for a better view after we grabbed food (pelmeni and shish kebabs) to enjoy while we waited for the second show.
Friday, June 27, 2014
The Pain of Having to Choose
There's only one thing I envy about biological parenthood.
It's not having kids who look like you and your spouse.
It's not pregnancy, or childbirth, or breastfeeding. (I'm super okay with not having to endure any of that, especially after my little taste of typhoid vaccine induced stomach troubles.)
It's not the fact that they don't have to do a home study, fill out a bunch of paperwork, pay a bunch of money, and fly halfway across the world three times. In fact, we're looking forward to seeing the sights in Bishkek and Almaty.
It's not even the guarantee of raising an infant from birth.
No, it's the fact that they don't have to choose.
They don't have to assess a referral and say "no" to one child and "yes" to another. Instead, they have the tremendous blessing, weather they see it or not, of being able to simply accept what comes their way and know that it is what was meant for them.
They don't have to look at a child's file, or an email from someone at the agency and think "Is this right for us?" "Are these the children we should accept?" "Is this what God wants us to do?" "Are we bad Christians if we say no?"
Never, at any point, does a parent through biological means have to choose which child they are going to raise, which child they are going to make their own.
For all that people might joke about how wonderful it must be to choose your children, it isn't wonderful at all.
Trust me.
We've said no twice now.
The first was on our wedding anniversary -- it was a pair of unrelated children, who are both at the upper end of our age range. With the difficulties that unrelated pairs often face in integrating into a family (especially if they're a bit older) and the fact that we want at least one little one, it made logical sense to pass. It wasn't an official referral, just a "we've heard about two children" conversation.
It was agony to say no, especially for me. I beat myself up for it, even with our social worker telling us that it wasn't a good fit.
I did get past it, but I still wonder about those two children, and I hope they're okay and that they both get adopted.
Then yesterday, we got this "hey, we heard about these kids" email from the agency. This time, it was three children, one who possibly has a serious illness. While I would LOVE to be the mother of three children (or more, even), going from 0 to 3 seems like a rough go, especially with our families all being over an hour away (my parents are seven hours away!) and my husband working so many hours and commuting so far. That, combined with the possible (probable?) illness, meant that we had to say no this time as well.
It hurt less this time. Much less.
Enough that I had to wonder -- is this hardening my heart? Will I, by the end of all this, become someone cold and calculating?
And why did no one warn us about how terrible it is to have to choose?
I don't know what the answer is to any of this -- but it does seem like families get through this, like things are okay in the end.
But I wish that discussing turning down referrals wasn't such a taboo in the adoption community. Because maybe, if we discussed it more, we could realize that none of us are alone.
It's not having kids who look like you and your spouse.
It's not pregnancy, or childbirth, or breastfeeding. (I'm super okay with not having to endure any of that, especially after my little taste of typhoid vaccine induced stomach troubles.)
It's not the fact that they don't have to do a home study, fill out a bunch of paperwork, pay a bunch of money, and fly halfway across the world three times. In fact, we're looking forward to seeing the sights in Bishkek and Almaty.
It's not even the guarantee of raising an infant from birth.
No, it's the fact that they don't have to choose.
They don't have to assess a referral and say "no" to one child and "yes" to another. Instead, they have the tremendous blessing, weather they see it or not, of being able to simply accept what comes their way and know that it is what was meant for them.
They don't have to look at a child's file, or an email from someone at the agency and think "Is this right for us?" "Are these the children we should accept?" "Is this what God wants us to do?" "Are we bad Christians if we say no?"
Never, at any point, does a parent through biological means have to choose which child they are going to raise, which child they are going to make their own.
For all that people might joke about how wonderful it must be to choose your children, it isn't wonderful at all.
Trust me.
We've said no twice now.
The first was on our wedding anniversary -- it was a pair of unrelated children, who are both at the upper end of our age range. With the difficulties that unrelated pairs often face in integrating into a family (especially if they're a bit older) and the fact that we want at least one little one, it made logical sense to pass. It wasn't an official referral, just a "we've heard about two children" conversation.
It was agony to say no, especially for me. I beat myself up for it, even with our social worker telling us that it wasn't a good fit.
I did get past it, but I still wonder about those two children, and I hope they're okay and that they both get adopted.
Then yesterday, we got this "hey, we heard about these kids" email from the agency. This time, it was three children, one who possibly has a serious illness. While I would LOVE to be the mother of three children (or more, even), going from 0 to 3 seems like a rough go, especially with our families all being over an hour away (my parents are seven hours away!) and my husband working so many hours and commuting so far. That, combined with the possible (probable?) illness, meant that we had to say no this time as well.
It hurt less this time. Much less.
Enough that I had to wonder -- is this hardening my heart? Will I, by the end of all this, become someone cold and calculating?
And why did no one warn us about how terrible it is to have to choose?
I don't know what the answer is to any of this -- but it does seem like families get through this, like things are okay in the end.
But I wish that discussing turning down referrals wasn't such a taboo in the adoption community. Because maybe, if we discussed it more, we could realize that none of us are alone.
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
Percieved Perks
I always figured that there were two little perks to adoption over childbirth.
1) Not getting sick to your stomach.
2) Getting to drink at your baby shower.
Lets just say that those better be some fan-freakin'-tastic margaritas, because perk number one just took a good, long hike.
Why, you ask, is adoption making me sick to my stomach?
Oh, this isn't some metaphorical post about how I hate waiting and it makes my stomach churn.
Nope, this is a post about the oral typhoid vaccine.
It's unfair, I tell you. My mother never got sick during her pregnancy, and here I am, feeling like death warmed over from our travel vaccine. Ha! Joke's on me, I guess.
Apparently, about one percent of patients have a negative reaction. I am the 1%. I expect the Occupy protesters to break down my door any minute now. I don't think I'd have the energy to fight them off...
1) Not getting sick to your stomach.
2) Getting to drink at your baby shower.
Lets just say that those better be some fan-freakin'-tastic margaritas, because perk number one just took a good, long hike.
Why, you ask, is adoption making me sick to my stomach?
Oh, this isn't some metaphorical post about how I hate waiting and it makes my stomach churn.
Nope, this is a post about the oral typhoid vaccine.
It's unfair, I tell you. My mother never got sick during her pregnancy, and here I am, feeling like death warmed over from our travel vaccine. Ha! Joke's on me, I guess.
Apparently, about one percent of patients have a negative reaction. I am the 1%. I expect the Occupy protesters to break down my door any minute now. I don't think I'd have the energy to fight them off...
Monday, June 23, 2014
Delivered and Signed For!
Drumroll please!
*baaaa rump!*
It made it!
After a slight hiccup of a failed delivery with no one to sign for the package, it's been picked up and signed for!
I don't know how long it will take for our dossier to be officially registered with the Kyrgyzstani government, but I can't wait to hear that it has been. :)
P.S. The silly little JPEG above is courtesy my very excited father! I haven't been the only one obsessively clicking "refresh" on the DHL tracking site.
Sunday, June 22, 2014
It's in Bishkek!
After Midlands, our dossier was taken to the London airport (Heathrow) where it was shipped directly to Bishkek. We didn't get any scans or updates when it was Sunday in Kyrgyzstan, but by early Monday (their time) it was with the delivery courier and on its way to its final destination. :)
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